I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
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