rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
