He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
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