The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
Randomize
