No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
