So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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