Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
