Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
Randomize
