I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
This beer is not sobering me up at all
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
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