my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
Randomize
