I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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