there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
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