When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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