im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
Randomize
