The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Randomize
