Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
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