I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
Everclear isn't food dammit
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
