You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
