He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
Randomize
