The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
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