someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
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