Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
