I wish my penis had an off switch
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
God, I missed his penis.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
