you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
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