he shaved USA in his pubs
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Randomize
