the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
Randomize
