Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
Randomize
