why im i the only drunk person in the library?
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
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