I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
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