Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
i came on her dog
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
