even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
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