No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Randomize
