So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
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