a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
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