If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
Randomize
