Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
