Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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