he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
