you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
