I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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