I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
there is puke in my bra ... again
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