'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Randomize
