No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Randomize
