If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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