I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
Randomize
