i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
Randomize
