420 ftw
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
