So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
Randomize
