i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
Princesses don't give blow jobs
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Randomize
