she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
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