she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
i may or may not be watching the land before time
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
Randomize
