i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Randomize
