What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
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