the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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